I'm using this blog site to vent...
I'm done... I'm done with school, work, people... I'm f**kin' done. I get older every year and accomplish nothing. I'm fucking sick of it... I have to type "fucking" because otherwise I will go nuts. I've been working my ass off and doing what I think is right... and nothing. I get nothing. I get someone telling me that school is going to cost more money, more time... Over a year away... almost two... which seems unreachable considering I've been in school for over 15 years (I'm referring to college). I must be a dumb fuck. A dumb fuck who can't graduate from college. I feel like every time I turn a corner, there's a huge brick wall that I can't climb. I claw until my nails rip off... then someone sprays me with a fire hose and I fall off, soaking wet. I lay in the gutter for a while - until I dry off. I stand up, look at the wall, and try again. Every now and then, someone will bring me a stool or step ladder, which is stable and helpful for some time. Eventually a leg breaks off and I lose balance until I fall. I lay there again. I wait. I wait for something... I see it. I stand up. I try again to climb that wall... and notice that the wall just got a little higher. I find a sledgehammer and start pounding the wall with it. Cracks form, the mortar chips and falls... but the wall holds firm. It sways a little and I hit it some more... I'm tired, so I stop. I sit and wait for my energy to return. I wait for days, months, years... I think it's gone. I feel like it's gone. I haven't felt that energy... I can't remember when the last time was...
When will I get to sleep? When will my time come when I can relax? I used to say that I want to do so much in life and sleep when I'm dead. Now days, I almost wait for it.... almost.... I have nothing going for me... I have little to really live for. I'm single, have no family, make shit pay, have no degree... All the things that seem to matter in the world.... I don't have....
I'm done.... I want out of here. I'm done. I'm FUCKING DONE!!!!!
